Retro Treats And Good Eats: A Trip To Shorty’s Diner
Story By Kasey Pataki ‘24
Shorty’s Diner is a unique part of Williamsburg’s robust breakfast scene. Continue reading to learn all about its greasy deliciousness.
Williamsburg may boast the greatest number of pancake houses per square mile, but finding a breakfast spot during Family Weekend is no easy feat. The classic options on Richmond Road tend to host lengthy lines on a typical Sunday morning, and I feared the amalgamation of full hotels and hungry relatives. So, for one last Williamsburg feast, I took my parents away from the colonial-themed classics to the retro gem that is Shorty’s Diner.
REBECCA ALTMAN // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE
Located on Merrimac Trail, only 3 miles from campus, Shorty’s is a quirky establishment modeled on the classic ’50s style American diner. The joint is filled with red booths, checkered menus, and a life-size statue of Elvis playing the guitar. The décor looks like it is straight from a thrift store, consisting of vintage signs, old Coca-Cola bottles, and toys. A bright, antique-style yellow car sits outside and boasts the Shorty’s logo for all passersby to see. While certainly eccentric, the stylized look is fun and fresh compared to the 17th century furnishings that mark much of the Williamsburg restaurant scene.
The service at Shorty’s is no-nonsense but kind. After being sent outside of the crowded restaurant so we wouldn’t be in the way, we only had to wait about five minutes before being brought to a table and given mugs of what I would consider very solid coffee (which was refilled many times throughout our meal). The only real challenge we faced throughout the meal was when my parents naively requested skim milk for their creamer, to which they were politely informed, “Sorry, we don’t have any healthy options.” Half-and-half is the default creamer at Shorty’s, so don’t arrive expecting any alternatives. The waitress, however, returned with a kiddie cup full of the 2% milk used in the grits, after which all parties were satisfied.
While they don’t have any healthy options, options are not something that Shorty’s lacks. In addition to an array of omelets, platters, breakfast sandwiches, pancakes, and french toast, Shorty’s boasts some truly unique creations like “The Hangover”: eggs over corned beef hash with biscuits and gravy that claim to be “A SURE CURE!” for the ailment. Also notable is “Shorty’s Garbage Plate”: hash-browns, eggs, and a choice of meat covered in sausage gravy. And of course, there’s the “Sloppy Toppy Sandwich”: a brioche filled with country fried steak, egg, cheese, sausage gravy, lettuce, and tomato.
Despite these adventurous choices, I decided to opt for a more classic breakfast dish: bacon, a fried egg, and cheese on a biscuit. Shorty’s did not disappoint. The bacon was thick, greasy, and crispy; the egg and cheese were perfect. The biscuit was flaky, buttery, and crispy on the outside, and dense and fluffy on the inside. The entire combination was perfectly proportioned for an absolutely divine culinary experience.
The place was certainly crowded, but never to the point of discomfort. The three of us happily devoured our meals, and my parents testified their definite satisfaction. I tasted some of Shorty’s home fries and omelet, which were also delightful. When our plates were clean, I found that there is truly no endorsement for a restaurant quite like seeing your father look at the bill with delight, but that’s what happens at Shorty’s.
In addition to breakfast fare, Shorty’s offers a huge list of sandwiches (and, despite their claims of “no healthy options,” even some salads). I’m a personal fan of their “Monte Cristo” sandwich, which is served on French toast and dusted with powdered sugar. On the side of the restaurant is a window called “Shorty’s Sweet Side,” which serves soft-serve ice cream, sundaes, milkshakes, floats, and sno-balls. Shorty’s truly does it all.
Shorty’s is well encapsulated by its website’s motto: “It’s not fancy… It’s not fat free… It’s just the way it used to be!!” If you are looking for classic, greasy diner fare, Shorty’s excels in that department. It’s the kind of food that makes you feel like you need a nap, but you fall asleep with a smile on your face. My biggest complaint about Shorty’s Diner is that it is only open from 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. As a loyal fan of the establishment, I truly regret that I can’t return for dinner.