Do you ever have one of those days where life feels like it could be a film? Where in the heat of a given moment, you find yourself in a world with such visceral enchantment and infinite possibility that you can feel your windpipe gulping down helium like a flesh-laden straw as you float away to your new reality? I don’t. But I used to enjoy going to the cinema. In particular, I enjoyed how loud the audio could be inside the cinema. I miss the speakers opening their mouths wide and hurling stray pellets of saliva all over my face like an angry drill sergeant. 

I’m a big sucker for getting snug as a bug in my PJs in front of an open fire for a midnight screening of the spooktacular silent film “Nosferatu” around Halloween time. But, the incorporation of sound into films was probably the best thing to ever happen to the industry, minus the birth of Katherine Ross. Without audio, how would Jack Black have ever made a career for himself? All he really does is spew abnormal noises. You wouldn’t want Jack Black to beg for cheeseburgers on the median of a Los Angeles highway, would you? The streets are so wide there — even he would fail to stand out to the common passerby. 

All this got me thinking: Films — powerful. Music — cool and nice. What happens when they combine forces? To answer this question is why I write to you today. Unlike the actors on screen or the musicians that compose the songs, the marriage between films and music lasts forever. 

So without further ado, here are the top 10 uses of songs in film scenes. 

10. “Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief” (2010) + Lady Gaga - “Poker Face”

I would be doing a disservice to my generation by not including this. The acting is atrocious, but I fondly remember sitting hunched over my copy of “The Lightning Thief” with beads of passionate sweat staining each page while I panted and squealed like a nervous dog. Also, Lady Gaga was at the height of her powers at the time and, according to reports, still is (see the Flat Hat Magazine’s Oreo video). So yeah, I think Percy Jackson holds a legitimate place on this list. Sure, the scene depicts a group of teenagers being slipped debilitating drugs at a casino, but I was also forced to watch “Troy” as a history/sex-ed lesson in the 7th grade. So what if Greek mythology is just inherently perverted? My parents signed the permission slip, and so did everybody else’s. 

If nothing else, Lady Gaga condoned “The Lightning Thief” — so it must be appropriate for children.

9. “Trainspotting” (1996) + Lou Reed - “Perfect Day”

Remember when putting a spike into your vein was frowned upon? Neither does Lou Reed. Good thing he didn’t stick around to see COVID-19. 

8. “Say Anything” (1989) + Peter Gabriel - “In Your Eyes”

Lloyd Dobler, the lord of the Simps. “How I Met Your Mother”’s Ted Mosby? Jim from “The Office?” Every single male character in “Friends?” None of them could have existed without the legendary Lloyd Dobler. And the legend of Lloyd Dobler never could have existed before the very un-legendary Peter Gabriel circa 1986. How was Lloyd supposed to know he would spark a romantic revolution by hoisting a little boombox over his head? He’s not Gavrilo Princip. Although it is somewhat disturbing to think that they’re supposed to be the same age. How is it that two young men can take such different paths in life? How do we extract historical context from the nature vs nurture debate?  I really wish I could tell you, but I’m just here to talk about films. And you’re only here to read about them, stupid.

As for the scene, it represents the last pop culture pinnacle John Cusack or Peter Gabriel would ever really reach. Although for those of you that have seen Cusack and his snarly ponytail in “Being John Malkovitch,” his work in Hollywood was hardly done. He even stayed active in the simp community, starring in “High Fidelity” as a down on his luck record store owner, prompted to revise his immature and self-absorbed attitude after “the one” walks out on him. Peter Gabriel’s fame should have fizzled out long before the release of “Say Anything.” Luckily it was more of a death-rattle than a renaissance. He could very well have become a raving lunatic in the foothills of Bavaria after the film’s release, whistling old folk songs under a harvest moon and devouring his faeces with a spoon coincidentally welded into the same shape as Phil Collins’s head. Nobody really knows.

7. “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” (1986) + The Beatles - “Twist & Shout”

Am I the only one that finds Ferris intolerably pest-like? If you really think about it, Matthew Broderick is kind of a precursor to Pete Davidson. Don’t worry — this isn’t the last of my ideas that will keep you up tonight. The way I see it, Cameron is the protagonist of this film (despite his Red Wings fandom). He is a loyal friend to Ferris until the very end, defiant towards the tyrannical rule of his father, and can be seen donning a flat hat at some point in the film. Plus, I just pity the poor guy for his abnormally narrow face. George Harrison is a lot like the Cameron Frye of The Beatles. The unsung hero. The engine that kept the machine running — the only difference is George didn’t crash it! Everybody wants to look from the outside in and say, “Wow, look at John Lennon” or “Look at Ferris,” “They’re so intelligent and charismatic.” Although if you evaluate the actions of both these figures, it is clear that both men were motivated primarily by their genital sensations rather than rational thought or moral empathy for another human being. So, here’s to the George Harrisons and Cameron Fryes of the world, our unsung heroes.

Then again, I can’t deny Ferris’s decision to crash the street parade to lip-sync “Twist & Shout” for an audience hundreds-of-thousands strong was a pretty ballin’ move. “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” or “Taxman” just wouldn’t have had the same shiny lustre, sorry George!

6. “Pulp Fiction” (1994) + Dick Dale – “Misirlou”

I really wanted to leave Tarantino off this list so all the art hoes of the world can understand how it feels when they don’t get what they want, but damn it, the man is kind of a genius when it comes to making up a soundtrack. I realise critics get all googley-eyed over “Stuck in the Middle With You”’s spotlight in “Reservoir Dogs.” They have a point — Mr Blonde’s on-screen gyrating really takes the attention off just how abominable the song actually is. Or maybe the tar-soaked, throat pinched gargling of Stealers Wheel’s frontman (is his name really relevant in 2021? Was it ever?) is a fancy little distraction from the fact that “Reservoir Dogs” isn’t such a brilliant film either. Either way, I’m not supposed to be writing about this film or this song.

Unlike most of the surf rock from its day, “Misirlou” kicks ass. Most directors would’ve simply stuffed all five-to-seven Beach Boys into their soundtrack and called it a day. But QT doesn’t play that way. Tarantino shows us a premium instance of his flair for the obscure paying dividends. Most of you will recognise the song as the Black Eyed Peas’ “Pump It.” And yes, you should be ashamed of yourself for that. “Misirlou” pairs splendidly with the film’s opening credit scene; you don’t have to sit through any of Tarantino’s pompous directing before you can sit back and enjoy it. Sure, when you see “JOHN TRAVOLTA” flash across the screen, you might feel compelled to get up and leave or vomit, whichever comes first. This is completely normal. But then the slide horns hit you square in the face and blows you right out of your seat. Just close your eyes and pretend he’s not there. Remember, he’s probably more afraid of you than you are of him

5. “Apocalypse Now” (1979) + The Doors - “The End”

The horror … the horror.

4. “The Graduate” (1967) + Simon & Garfunkel - “The Sound of Silence”

Okay, I’m breaking my own rule, but I can’t help it. I alluded to the fact that I love Katherine Ross. I’m more or less indifferent towards Dustin Hoffman, though. (For those of you with strong opinions about Dustin Hoffman, please, for the love of God, get a life. Maybe go for a walk once in a while or try some yoga. Something, anything. Please.) Art Garfunkel might have an ass for a brain, but he makes it all okay with that glorious head of hair. Paul Simon’s brain is securely in his head, but his ass is nowhere to be found. Good song, great film. Some might say it should be the other way around. Others will say it all sucks and should be thrown in a dumpster and set ablaze.

Fun fact: this is not the only film on this list to culminate in an interrupted wedding. 

See? It all evens out. 

3. “Fight Club” (1999) + Pixies - “Where Is My Mind?”

I met the Pixies at a very strange time in my life. Then again, isn’t that the only way to discover the Pixies in the first place? 

There really isn’t much to say about this scene that hasn’t already been said. Except I will say the Pixies deserve far more love than they’ve gotten beyond this film and their cultural foothold as that band Kurt Cobain admitted to ripping off in pretty much all of his interviews. 

Also, “Where Is My Mind?” is very easy to learn on bass for my fellow failed guitar players out there. 

2. “Silence of The Lambs” (1991) + Q Lazarus - “Goodbye Horses”

Time to tuck it and dance. Say what you will about Buffalo Bill, but the dude has a great taste in music. He also has a very cute dog, but that is the last of the compliments I will give him. The eerie synthpop tune fits the mood of the scene flawlessly. The song’s writer and producer William Garvey described it as being about “transcendence over those who see the world as earthly and finite.” It isn’t hard to imagine that is exactly what Buffalo Bill thinks he is doing by assembling a suit made of human skin so he can dance naked around his disgusting basement and feel like a woman. However, he is doing the exact opposite. He is taking life from others while simultaneously depriving himself of a genuine sense of self-worth. He is too afraid to identify as a woman, so he chickens out. His skinsuit is a superficial form of self-expression.

“Goodbye Horses” underscores Buffalo Bill’s hypocrisy as the camera pans from the screaming woman he has trapped in his cellar to Bill himself shamelessly dancing around like an idiot, draped in the rotting vestiges of his victims. His desire to adopt feminine forms of self-expression isn’t genuine. It is literally covering his malnourished body like a cheap disguise. Buffalo Bill is clearly unhappy with the body he is born with, but he doesn’t do anything to really escape from its tyranny. Instead, he kills — demonstrating the finite nature of his attempts at self-actualisation and symbolising the very antithesis of the song he is dancing to. 

But for those of you who aren’t sociopathic cannibals with corpses soaking in your bathtubs, this song is really a hidden gem. You should check it out if you haven’t already. And speaking of self-actualisation, this provides us with a perfect segue into our number one spot ….

1. “Shrek” (2001) + Smash Mouth - “All Star”

Fooled ya, didn’t I? An indie kid like myself could never! Those last few entries involving war crimes, the seducing caress of a mature woman, hallucinatory domestic terrorism, and a dancing cannibal doubling as a skinsuit tailor got you to let your guard down a bit. I know they did. Heavy subject matter will do that. But honestly, what did you expect? This scene from “Shrek” tops them all.

Anybody that has done their homework on this film knows that “Shrek” is basically just one drawn-out critique of the traditional fairytale narrative employed by Disney again and again during its ‘90s renaissance. Even just casually watching the film, you’re bound to pick up on one of the countless not-so-subtle jabs “Shrek” takes at popular Disney characters, tropes, and the over-commercialisation of the Disney brand. Yes, in many ways “Shrek” is the perfect anti-Disney propaganda film. So, it stands to reason that Shrek’s use of pop music — such as “All Star” — serves to undermine the theatrical nature of Disney’s stage musical soundtracks of the 1990s. Name a Disney film from the ‘90s in which characters don’t utilise musical numbers as a platform to communicate their deepest desires, intentions, challenges, etc, to the audience. When you see enough of these films, the song-and-dance routine comes off as overused and predictable. Therein lies the brilliance of “Shrek” and its opening credit scene. 

In the opening scene, we are first introduced to Shrek as wanting for nothing. He is completely content living alone in his swamp, where he can truly be himself. He doesn’t need to sing a song because he seemingly has nothing to express. However, as the film unfolds, we learn that Shrek is far more complex than the perfectly content ogre he tries to project himself as to the outside world. The one character that does show a penchant for musical routine throughout the film is Donkey — who, uncoincidentally, is the most sincere character. Fiona spends most of her time trying to convince herself she is a real princess despite the fact she is under a curse that turns her into an ogre. Lord Farquaad is so self-absorbed in trying to tailor the perfect princely life for himself that he constantly brushes aside the more simplistic origins of human happiness, and we all know about Shrek’s insecurities by now. However, Donkey is different. He is far more earnest than any other character in the story; this is why he does not refrain from expressing his feelings through song. The pop music sprinkled throughout the film represents the external pressures that face the other characters that prevent them from truly expressing themselves.

“All Star” is a perfect example of this. The song features lyrics that very explicitly convey an enhanced sense of self-worth, something we as the audience know Shrek lacks. We know he secretly longs for a friend but is living under the burden of a constant fear that he cannot exist beyond society’s stereotypical expectations of what an ogre is supposed to be. Thus, Shrek devotes effort to cultivating a self-image that adheres to the way others see him, rather than expressing how he truly feels. It all culminates with another iconic musical scene at the end of the film. Finally, we see the other characters join Donkey in his theatrical performance of “I’m a Believer,” signalling to the audience that the characters have reconciled their insecurities and feel genuinely accepted by society. Only after their harrowing journey do the characters feel the way Donkey felt all along: free from all expectations placed upon them from society. The all-inclusive participation we see in this final musical act suggests that the protagonists have finally attained their fairytale ending through self-actualisation and the defiance of societal norms. Shrek realises that he doesn’t need to put up a façade — he should simply remain true to himself and do the things that make him happy. 

Pop music is inherently designed to appeal to a mass audience, and that is why the “All Star” scene is such an effective introduction for the protagonist. Not only does it appeal to a large number of viewers as a catchy tune, but it symbolises the external pressures that Shrek faces to conform to what society wants him to be in order to appeal to those around him. The song itself is not meant to convey how Shrek truly feels at the beginning of the film. Rather, it is foreshadowing the obstacles he will ultimately need to overcome to attain his true happiness. 

Well, that’s all from here. Now get out of my swamp. 

Which film/song duos would you add that I neglected to include? Do you find my list offensive to the good name of cinema and the arts? Great! Let’s get together and scream at each other about it sometime. I’d do anything to feel like I’m back in the cinema with the drill sergeant giving me a piece of his mind again.