My Makeup & Me

If you’ve seen a girl around campus whose style gives off “if Cleopatra had been a goth/emo vampiress party girl” vibes, that’s probably JR Herman ‘24. Continue reading to join JR on her makeup journey as she explains why she does her makeup the way she does — and why it’s probably not for the reason you might guess.

ZACHARY LUTZKY // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE

One of my friends once described my dress and makeup style as “if Cleopatra had been a goth/emo vampiress party girl.” I honestly can’t disagree.

About 99% of the time, you will see me sporting bright red lipstick, lots of mascara, winged eyeliner that’s perhaps a bit inspired by the Egyptian Eye of Horus, some eyeshadow, and all-black clothes. With that much makeup, you’d think I’d be headed to a party, but in all honesty, I’m usually just going to class. At this point, it’s simply part of my daily routine.

I’m curious as to what other people think is the reason why I spend so much time on my makeup and why I do it in the admittedly somewhat over-the-top style that I do. So, I polled my friends and through them, I think I’ve heard pretty much every possible reason that anyone has guessed. 

ZACHARY LUTZKY // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE

“You tried to reinvent yourself after high school. You’re vain. You’re narcissistic. You’re insecure. You’re a pick-me girl. You want to be memorable. You’re obsessed with ancient Egypt. You listen to Mayday Parade, so you’re clearly just going through your goth phase. You’re secretly obsessed with the idea of being a vampire. You want to stand out. You want to rebel. You want to annoy your parents. You think the more makeup you wear, the prettier you are. You don’t want to be like other girls. You’re bored and don’t have enough to do. You’re an attention whore. You want to be a manic pixie dream girl. You want to be a ‘bad girl’ because you’re sick of being a ‘good girl.’ You want to impress guys. You want to be a girlboss dominatrix.”

So, you may be wondering what the reasons actually are. To be honest, it’s complicated.

It all began in eighth grade. Ah, those terrible days of middle school. The dreaded picture day was fast approaching, and of course, my skin decided to break out that week. My parents took me to the mall to get some makeup because I was having an existential crisis thinking my skin would look bad in my yearbook picture, and I remember my dad said that makeup was a rabbit hole — you wear it once, and then you’ll never stop. I didn’t believe him then, but he was right. The only makeup I wore in middle and high school was foundation — so basically, just covering up the imperfections. This is where someone might start thinking that I wear makeup because I’m insecure, but it’s not that easily explained.

Now it’s ninth grade Halloween, the first time I ever put on bright red lipstick and did winged eyeliner for a vampiress costume. I didn’t know it then, but the real irony was that this would become the way I would do my makeup unironically later on; I use the same blood-red lipstick that I used for that costume in my daily makeup routine. My goal was to be a vampiress, but the costume apparently was so over-the-top that everyone thought I was a vampire prostitute (or as one of my teachers put it delicately, a “vampiress bar wench”). This is where someone might start thinking that I wear my makeup because I’m secretly obsessed with the idea of being a vampiress, trying to rebel, annoy my parents, or be a “bad girl” because I’m sick of being a “good girl.”

For the rest of high school, I continued wearing minimal makeup. No lipstick or eyeliner ever. Mascara only for very special occasions. I had neither the time nor the desire to do hardcore makeup.

In July 2020 (the summer after my senior year), bored and going crazy from months of quarantine, I wanted to try something new. I taught myself how to do more advanced makeup like eyeliner, eyeshadow, and contouring from YouTube tutorials. Having nothing better to do, I figured I might as well learn a new skill, one that would probably be useful for our postponed July graduation, especially since having my makeup done professionally didn’t seem COVID-safe. Applying my eyeliner for my high school graduation was the first time I unironically wore eyeliner — something different in the monotony of quarantine life. This is where someone might start thinking that I wear makeup because I’m bored and don’t have enough to do.

After that summer, I virtually didn’t touch makeup for eight months, as I was remote during my freshman year of college, and putting on makeup just for a Zoom call is depressing. Once I got vaccinated, came out of twelve months of quarantine, and visited campus for the first time that May, I decided to go wild with makeup. I wanted to celebrate and try something new. I was actually going to college for the first time. This is where someone might start thinking that I wear my makeup because I tried to reinvent myself.

ZACHARY LUTZKY // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE

I figured none of my friends would recognize me when I was wearing a mask since they’d never seen me before in person, so I thought the eyeliner would help them recognize me from afar — I’d tell them before meeting up, “I’m the girl wearing a ton of eyeliner! You can’t miss me!” This is where someone might start thinking that I wear my makeup to stand out. 

In the meantime, I’d been studying ancient Egypt the entire year, reading hieroglyphs, and wanting to self-design an Egyptology major. This is where someone might start thinking that I wear my makeup because I’m obsessed with ancient Egypt.

But I’d also been listening to a ton of 2000s emo ballads, so this is where someone might start thinking that I wear my makeup because I listen to bands like The Fray, The Script, and Mayday Parade and thus am clearly just going through my goth phase.

All my friends loved my makeup. It was new and exciting and helped people recognize me, so I kept doing it. I also liked how I looked, especially when it came to photos. This is where someone might start thinking that I wear my makeup because I think the more makeup I wear, the prettier I am, or because I’m vain, or narcissistic.

People seemed to like and compliment my makeup, so that was an added benefit. This is where someone might start thinking that I wear my makeup because I’m a “pick-me girl,” I want to impress, or I want to be a quirky “manic pixie dream girl.”

The way that I think about my makeup is that it’s my brand. It’s how people know me. This is where someone might start thinking that I wear my makeup to “not be like other girls” or because I’m an “attention whore.” 

But as I joke to my friends, some days when I’m really tired and don’t feel like putting on makeup, I still do it because, otherwise, my professors won’t know who I am in class, and if my friends recognized me (which they probably wouldn’t), they’d probably CARE Report me for having a breakdown since they’d never, ever seen me without my signature makeup and would therefore assume something must be wrong.

When I asked each of my friends why I wear my makeup the way I do, each one was confident in knowing the single right answer. Some hedged their bets and combined a few, based on assumptions they had about girls who wear heavy makeup (probably from movies) and bits and pieces of stories I had told them.

So why do I do my makeup like this? The long answer, as you now know, is complicated — it just sort of happened.

The short answer is that it’s me.

ZACHARY LUTZKY // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE