Pancake Palooza

Imagine you’re a freshman, recently inaugurated into Billsburg, waking up in your sweaty GGV 10x12 dungeon on a Saturday morning. Needless to say, you’re hungover. Breakfast is the sole focus of your thoughts, besides the two midterms you have on Monday. You throw off your sheets, take a shower, and it hits you: You. Need. Carbohydrates. During your initial campus tour as a high school senior, you were delighted to hear that Williamsburg, VA, boasts the highest ratio of pancake houses per capita in the world (let’s be honest, that’s the only reason you applied). How do you decide which establishment to patronise for the fluffiest, most mouth-wateringly porous pancake of them all? Smartphone notes app in hand, two Flat Hat Magazine staffers visited a handful of pancake houses within a reasonable distance of campus and diligently rated them on the basis of five categories, each on a scale from one to five: fluffiness, thickness (thiccness, as we call it), soakability of syrup, variety of options, and nostalgia.

JUSTIN SHERLOCK // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE

Aroma’s Coffeehouse Bakery & Cafe

431 Prince George St.

Upon ordering at the campus- beloved Aromas-proper, we were disheartened at the length of the queue and lack of pancakes. However, we are ecstatic to find the sister to the pancake: the geometrically-pleasing Belgian waffle. Linda, however, was displeased with her coffee service, as her iced latte got lost behind the coffee bar (come on Linda—this is supposed to be about pancakes!) and had to leave without it. Fortunately, we snagged an outdoor table with a beautiful view of at least three floofers and indulged in our first meal.

Let’s start with the highlights: Their Belgian waffles were insanely soakable with the warm strawberry sauce and whipped topping that saturated the waffle-pores. Size and thiccness were mediocre, but reasonable for a coffeehouse without breakfast specialty. This also led to a low rating for variety, as only one option for cakey- breakfast is offered. Generally, the waffle structure was quite durable, which made it quite difficult to cut with the plastic utensils provided; for this reason, fluffiness is low. Lastly, and (debatably) of utmost importance: nostalgia—did it remind you of grandma’s cooking? Unfortunately, this modern take on a classic Belgian dish fell flat with our sense of nostalgia. The strawberry sauce was delightful, but not comparable to an early- morning childhood breakfast.

Fluffiness: 3

Thiccness:4

Soakability: 4.5

Variety: 1

Nostalgia: 1

Overall: 2.7

JUSTIN SHERLOCK // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE

Capitol Pancake House

802 Capitol Landing Rd.

As one of the closest pancake houses to campus, Capitol boasts a plethora of breakfast options for all likings. We decided to spice up our sugary journey and order a stack of phat peanut butter- topped pancakes to-go. This was our first time in the nutty world of pancakes; both of us usually keep to our traditions. However, Capitol Pancakes allows for much exploration, with options ranging from buckwheat to added bacon strips.

Upon pick-up, we were presented with three large cakes in a classic styrofoam take-out box. We helped ourselves to an outdoor table and quickly dug into our first true cakes of the day. Immediately, we doused the dish in syrup and it effectively soaked into the penultimate layer. But don’t get us wrong, these cakes aren’t in a thin stack; they passed the thiccness test with flying colours. While these cakes were initially hard to eat due to the sticky peanut butter, the fluffiness counteracted this by allowing sufficient syrup submersion. Similarly to Aromas, these cakes fell a bit flat on the nostalgia factor, as perfectly-round peanut butter pancakes are not a typical childhood experience for us.

Fluffiness: 4 

Thiccness: 5 

Soakability: 3.5 

Variety: 5 

Nostalgia: 2 

Overall: 3.9

JUSTIN SHERLOCK // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE

Southern Pancake and Waffle House

1605 Richmond Rd

We hadn’t originally planned on going to Southern, but Google Maps deceived us into thinking the Denny’s on Richmond Rd. was open — turns out, it’s permanently closed. But as cheugy millennials like to say, “difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.” Southern’s blueberry pancakes blew us away with their warm, fluffy richness and complete absorption of the generous maple syrup jugs served alongside our food. And to our pleasant surprise, there were blueberries embedded inside! Don’t dismiss the pancakes’ thinness so easily: they had just enough “bounce” in the texture without tasting too crumbly. The powdered sugar was the cherry on top and no complaints about the fast and friendly service.

Justin remarked that his grandma would make blueberry pancakes, and we noticed that the establishment’s cosy interior and pale blue walls had that nostalgic hospitality factor indeed. If we had to dock points off, it would be for the slight mismatch between the “Pancake & Waffle House” name and their actual selection of pancakes (fewer than we had expected).

Fluffiness: 5 

Thiccness: 3 

Soakability: 5 

Variety: 2.5 

Nostalgia: 4.5 

Overall: 4

JUSTIN SHERLOCK // FLAT HAT MAGAZINE

Astronomical Pancake and Waffle House

5437 Richmond Rd.

By the time we pulled up to the parking lot in front of Astronomical, we were beginning to feel a little sick of pancakes. Nevertheless, she (and he) persisted. The first thing we noticed after sitting down is the eccentric Italian decor. Upon further investigation (i.e., we looked at the paper placemats), we discovered this place used to be a family-run Italian restaurant that was converted into a pancake house. We were also mystified by the staff’s tie-dye T-shirts juxtaposed against the stately walls and furniture, and further clashing with the patently unsophisticated breakfast menu. Alas, we digress. Perhaps the kind waitress sensed our fullness-induced fatigue because she told us we could order one (1) pancake instead of the standard two. Overly confident in our appetites, Justin ordered pecan pancakes and Linda got peach pancakes.

True to the establishment’s name, they were astronomically big and thicc. But that was about the only note-worthy thing. The pancakes felt ever-so-slightly stale, and the syrup--though fresh- -tended to run off the surface. Whereas both Capitol and Southern’s pancakes had the flavour/ toppings baked in, the peach pancakes were just canned peaches sloppily added on top. The pecans were decent, though. In sum, you’d be going for the reputation, or you would be astronomically disappointed.

Fluffiness: 3 

Thiccness: 4 

Soakability: 2 

Variety: 4 

Nostalgia: 1 

Overall: 2.8